


Happiness

by Thefandomwarrior21



Series: Finding Ourselves [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Cute, Depression, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:48:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17857565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thefandomwarrior21/pseuds/Thefandomwarrior21
Summary: Ron and Blaise attend Hogwarts not quite happy.I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Don't @ me.(Note may get longer depending on what I write)





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a continuation of the Drarry fic that I wrote earlier this month. Go check it out before you read this!! The story will feel better if you do! The story is called Grateful.

*Ron’s Pov*  
Ron didn’t feel happy anymore. And he doesn’t know what to do about it. Merlin knows he tries, but every time he comes close to feeling just a little bit ecstatic he remembers the losses he had suffered. Losing Fred was hard enough, but George? That even worse. George hadn’t lasted much longer after Fred’s death. The healers had said it was heartbreak. George’s heart had very literally split in half. But he couldn't force himself to dwell on it for long, he was afraid the same thing would happen to him. So instead, he faked it. It seemed way easier than having to explain everything to somebody.  
He wasn’t all too excited to leave home and head to Hogwarts. Ron didn’t want to leave his family while they were at the most vulnerable state they had ever been in but his mother insisted he go. “It’s your last year, you have to go! We don’t want you to miss out on your education for the second time in a row!” So here he was, standing on Platform 9 ¾ for his eighth year at Hogwarts. 

*Blaise’s Pov*  
Could he still feel happiness, or was that not a thing anymore? As far as he could remember, Blaise had been a pretty chill guy at one point. But ever since his mother’s death all Blaise could think about was what the world would be like without him. He knew that wasn’t fair to the people who loved him. They were already going through hardships, and the death of one more person would probably break them. It’s not like he’s good at hiding it though. From time-to-time Blaise needs to step out of the room because the depression becomes too suffocating and he needs to break-down. That’s why he loves his friends so much. They were always there for him, so he will always be there for them.  
Blaise wasn’t ready to go to Hogwarts. Don’t get him wrong, he had always loved going to Hogwarts. The high ceilings, the smell of the food in the great hall, the dormitories, even the classes had a strange sense of security. But he was not excited for the number of panic attacks that he was going to get. Just thinking about the broken and damaged school unnerved him. But he was sure to leave this school year on a happy note. And as he stood on Platform 9 ¾ he promised himself he would be happy.


	2. Compartments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a continuation of the Drarry fic that I wrote earlier this month. Go check it out before you read this!! The story will feel better if you do!
> 
> Sorry for the delay! Writing in two different points of views takes longer than I thought! <3

*Ron’s Pov*   
Other than the fact that there were no private compartments on the train, the ride to Hogwarts was not as terrible as he thought it would be. Aside from Corner being the asshole that he is, and Pansy threatening to end Corner’s life, the train ride was mostly calm.   
Except for one little thing. Blaise Zabini was also attending eighth year at Hogwarts. Ron had always had a small (okay HUGE) crush on the Slytherin. He dated Lavender because he wanted to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with a Death Eater, but it never worked. He did love Hermione though, which was the reason they dated, but it turned out that the love was better off as a friendship than a relationship. So in the end, his embarrassing crush on Blaise always came on top.   
So here he was, sitting in such close proximity of Blaise, trying not to kiss him senseless right there and then. It got so bad that Ron had to avoid looking at him. From time to time Ron sacrificed a glance towards him and promptly got lost in Blaise’s beautiful golden eyes that shined bright like honey whenever the light hit them and…   
He was so head over heels in love with Blaise Zabini, and he couldn’t take it. He knew he needed to do something about it but he doesn’t know what.   
Ron grabbed Harry’s wrist, “Harry. I need your help. It’s important.”  
“What? What is it,” He replied.   
“How do I-” Wait, he can’t tell Harry on the train! Blaise will hear him, “Nevermind, I’ll tell you when we get to the castle.”   
“But you said it was import-”   
“At the castle,” Ron said with a firmer tone.   
“Are you sur-”   
“At. The. Castle.” He said through gritted teeth.   
Harry looked at Hermione and she shrugged, “Ron, is something wrong?”   
“No? Why would you think that? I’m fine, of course! Yup, nothing wrong here!” Was he that obvious?  
“Yeah, so there’s something wrong. We’ll talk about it later then.” Hermione confirmed. 

*Blaise’s Pov*   
He really couldn’t get a break, could he? Even after everything that happened during the war and after, couldn’t the universe just give him one moment that didn’t make him feel like he was going to explode? The three of them just had to choose the seat where Blaise’s childhood crush was sitting. He should explain.   
Ronald Weasley had been Blaise’s crush ever since first year. At this point, it wasn’t even a crush. Blaise was very deeply in love with him. But how could he even talk to Ron? He was a war hero, and well, Blaise was more like the villain. He was probably the last person that Ron would want to date.   
As Blaise sat there, he noticed things about Ron that were foreign to him. Before, Ron was happy and reckless, he seemed to not have a care for anything in the world. He looked well rested and was always talking with his friends. Now he looked miserable and looked stressed. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and was well, tired. It took all of Blaise’s energy to not reach over and engulf Ron in a hug and press soft kisses on his forehead.   
What was wrong with him? If he didn’t talk to someone about this Blaise was quite sure he would do something rash. Honestly, the only thing that Blaise had left was his pride. Which was also deteriorating with every thought that he had of Ron.   
Finally, after nine hours of sitting a train, they had reached Hogwarts. As they got off at the station, a wave of panic came over him, and he had to grab Draco’s arm to get a grip on himself. As they walked through the gates, Blaise realized how strange and quiet it was without the other students. Before the war, walking into Hogwarts was exciting, thinking about all the classes and his friends made him happy. Now, while walking through the large, aging gates, he felt empty, like something was missing from him. Even McGonagall’s smile seemed forced.   
But it was all a product of the war. It would never change and the feeling was heartbreaking.


	3. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I'm sooooo sorry about not updating in so long! To be honest, I kind of gave up on this story and series altogether. But honestly, I forced myself to write this chapter and publish it and I'm so proud I did. Hopefully, there will be more chapters in the future very soon! Thank you for all the support and I will love you always! <33333333

*Ron’s Pov*

Professor McGonagall had said that the builders of Brian House had tried to incorporate all aspects of the houses into one. As Ron looked around he saw subtle decorations relating to Gryffindor. The squashy chairs were there and the old writing desk that was placed in the corner of the dorms. Hanah Abbott had said the carpet and the pattern on the walls was the same as Hufflepuff’s. Both of the Ravenclaws claimed that the bookshelf and the books on it were similar to the ones in their old house. Blaise and his friends had walked in looking hopeful but were promptly disappointed as they looked around.   
“Old habits die hard I guess,” Draco said with a dejected tone to his voice, “You’d think they’d stop discriminating us after the war.”   
“Don’t they realize that the war started because of discrimination against Slytherin house?” Pansy wrinkled her nose.   
“Right? Are they trying to start a war or end one?” Blaise’s golden eyes looked so sad that Ron wanted to go get the designers to change the layout of the house. Ron could kill for Blaise to be happy.   
Woah. His love for Blaise was getting out of hand, he needed to do something. Realizing that Harry and Hermione were still worried about the conversation on the train he quickly ushered them onto his bed and cast a silencio and muffliato around the curtains.   
Hermione grabbed her wand, “Ron? Is something wrong?”   
He shook his head, “No, nothing’s wrong.”   
Harry frowned, “Why are we here then?”   
“Because something’s wrong!”  
“You just said -”   
“Shut up and let me talk!”   
He took a deep breath, “Erm, so, I might have a crush on someone but I don’t know how to deal with it and I’m really scared they’re gonna find out and I don’t know what to do about it.”   
“That’s it,” Hermione raised an eyebrow, “You’ll get over it, Ron.”   
“But I’ve had a crush on him since first year! I would’ve gotten over him by now!”   
Harry cocked his head, “Who do you like Ron?”  
He took a deep breath but his words were quiet and mumbled, “ImightsortabeinlovewithBlaiseZabini.”   
Hermione moved closer, “You’re going to have to speak louder Ron.”   
“ImightsortabeinlovewithBlaiseZabini!”   
Harry’s eyes went wide, “You what?”  
Ron buried his face in his hands, “Don’t make me say it again please!”   
He felt Hermione place her hand on his shoulder, “Well, in this case, I should tell you my secret.”   
Ron looked up, “What is it?”   
“Well, I’ve had a huge crush on Pansy Parkinson since second year.”  
Harry smirked, “And I’ve had a thing for Draco since first year too.”   
Ron grinned, “If the Daily Prophet could see us now.”  
Hermione laughed a genuine laugh, “They’d have a field day with it!”   
“I can’t even imagine the faces of everyone,” Harry snickered.   
Ron laughed, this was the happiest he had felt in a long time. 

*Blaise’s Pov*

He wasn’t surprised by what the designers did with the common room. It happened before the war and was guaranteed to happen in the future. But what did surprise him was the fact that Ronald Weasley was looking at him in pity when he had entered the room.   
Pity! He was starting to think that he might have a chance with Ron after all. Or maybe not. Maybe Blaise was going crazy and all of this was in his head. Merlin, how was he going to survive this school year?   
He should tell someone before he does something he will regret. He turned towards Draco and Pansy, who were discussing if someone under the influence of Veriteserum could lie if someone put the Imperious spell on them.   
“But it’s one of the most powerful potions ever created,” Draco said, “It’s specifically made to force the person to tell the truth.”  
“It’s literally a mind control spell! If the person casting the spell was strong enough you could definitely lie under the influence,” Pansy said.   
“That’s the thing, the potion would most likely always be stronger than the caster.”  
Blaise sighed, “Guys?”  
“That can’t be true,” Pansy argued, “There has to be someone strong enough to do that.”   
“Guys!”   
“What?” Draco and Pansy turned towards him.   
“I need to talk to you!”   
“Okay, what is it,” Draco raised an eyebrow, “But if it’s about your stupid crush on Weas-”  
“Shut up!” Wait. How did he know?  
“What? Who- How did you find out?”   
Draco scoffed, “You’re so obvious about it. Plus, you stare at him all the time.”   
“Yeah, it’s surprising he hasn’t found out yet,” Pansy added.   
Blaise could feel his face getting warmer, “Is it really that bad?”   
“Yeah.”   
Merlin, what was he going to do now? He buried his face in his hands as Draco and Pansy went back to arguing. This was going to be a long year.


	4. September First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo... this chapter is a little different from the others!

*Ron’s Pov*

Ron had grown accustomed to the quiet of the hallways without all the students in Hogwarts. It was peaceful but annoying as it made Corner even louder when he was boasting about himself.   
September First was going to be a busy day. Ron and the other eighth years were let out into Diagon Alley the day before to buy school supplies. He was surprised to find that Blaise and Draco reluctant to go shopping for school supplies.   
“Mr. Malfoy, you surely can’t be serious, the Ministry took all of your money?” Professor McGonagall looked murderous.   
“I’m afraid it’s true, the only exception is the fact that we only get five-hundred or so galleons every three months. And I can’t spend any of it on school supplies. I’ve got my mother to look after, and I have to take care of my hygiene and many other things. Also, Blaise doesn’t know how to save money so I’m constantly helping him.”  
“Shut up Draco, I know how to save money.”   
“Does your mother not have a job?” Professor McGonnagal was getting worried by the minute.   
Draco’s expression darkened, “You see, I grew up in a household where my mother and I both were abused all the time. Along with that, my father practically kept my mother prisoner inside the house, and she wasn’t allowed to get a job.”   
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to help?”   
“No, no, there’s nothing that we can do. She’s under house arrest for the rest of the year.”   
“But she wasn’t marked was she?”  
“No, but she was present at all the Death Eater meetings so that probably gave them a reason to punish her.”   
Ron turned towards Harry, “Do you hear this?”  
Harry glowered, “Yeah.”  
He looked back at Blaise and Draco.   
“How will you two get school supplies? All of the loaners were destroyed during the battle! There is nothing for you to use,” McGonagall said.   
“No, it’s fine, I’ll get them their supplies,” Pansy interrupted.   
“Are you sure Miss. Parkinson? I hear people are pricing products more to pay for damage caused.”   
“Well, it’s a good thing I have a lot of money,” Pansy replied.   
Out of the corner of his eye, Ron saw Blaise try to argue but Pansy threw him a look. His heart sank with the thought that this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. 

*Blaise’s Pov*

Blaise hated every part of his life. Feeling like a burden, his mom’s suicide, his Dark Mark, everything. He wanted to die. But every time he felt himself slipping away, he thought of the red hair and freckled face that he wanted to hold in his arms forever.  
The first week of school was harder than he thought it would be. Walking in the halls was terrible. The glares and snide comments, first-years cowering behind their school books all made him want to give up and leave. He felt like nobody could save him at times. Like everything was worthless. He wanted to leave Hogwarts and experience things he never had and then just disappear. Off of the face of the Earth, or somewhere no one could find him. Start a new life somewhere else. Or end his life completely.   
His classes were all the same as what he took in seventh year. Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Arithmancy, and Muggle Music. (He’d actually been taking this class with Draco and Pansy ever since they were allowed to. They’d taken it in private of course, no one could know they took this class. With permission from Dumbledore, they’d had private lessons from the teacher. They had gotten to be the best ever students the teacher had ever seen.) The eighth years weren’t allowed to join the Quidditch teams because it apparently wasn’t fair.   
“Not being allowed to play Quidditch,” Corner had complained one morning, “What am I supposed to do to impress the ladies?”  
“How about trying to be a good human being once in a while?” Hermione replied.  
“Sure thing sweetheart, but isn’t this personality what you’re in love with?” Corner smiled and tried to put an arm around her. Ron and Harry snorted.   
“You wish you little bitch,” Hermione said as she dogged his arm.  
“Oh she’s in love with someone very different,” Harry said.  
Ron laughed, “The complete opposite of you actually.”  
“Okay I think that’s enough information,” Hermione punched Harry’s arm.   
Pansy smirked and put an arm around Hermione’s shoulder, “No, no, please elaborate as to who this mystery person is.”   
Hermione grinned, “Maybe later.”  
Blaise looked at Ron, “Are you not going to tell us who it is?”   
He shrugged, “Hermione said that if I told anyone who she likes she’d tell everyone who I like. Frankly, I don’t want to take the risk of the person finding out about my very embarrassing crush.”   
“If anything hadn’t related to me more.”   
“Oh, so who do you like?”   
“I wish I could tell you,” Blaise’s heart started to beat faster, “But I don’t think the person would like it very much…”   
Ron started to say something when he was cut off by Professor Graytwig, the school therapist, who was visiting the eighth year common room.   
“Hello, students! I am here for your one-on-one discussion with me! Now, according to the list I was given, Mr. Malfoy is the first to talk with me!” The bubbly man with the red button nose looked as if he had just won a tremendous prize.   
“Come along Draco, we have much to discuss,” He patted Draco’s back as he led him to his office which was located only across the hallway from the common room.   
It had been only thirty minutes when Professor Graytwig returned with a very shaken and paler than usual Draco, “Remember our agreement, Mr. Malfoy. Now, where is Miss. Hermione Granger?”   
One by one each student was taken in and given a therapy session. Everyone except for Pansy and Draco seemed satisfied with what they had experienced. Not thinking much of Pansy and Draco’s expressions, Blaise walked into the room not expecting much more than “How are you doing?” and “What’s bothering you?”.   
After entering the office Blaise was promptly told to sit down, “Let’s get down to business shall we?”   
Abruptly, silver bands appeared around Blaise’s arms which chained him to the armrests of the chair, “Hey! what are you doing?”  
“Oh just taking some precautions. Now, let’s make a deal. You talk only when I say you can and nothing happens. If you do talk more than I would like you to… Let’s just say things might get dirty. Yes?” Blaise swallowed and nodded in agreement.   
“Let us start," He clasped his hands, "Your mother never killed herself. I have her hostage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST!!!   
> I really hope like this story! Lots of love <3333


	5. Therapy

Chapter 5: 

*Ron’s Pov* 

“Draco, is something wrong?” Harry’s brows were furrowed as Draco had come looking unhappy and worried after his therapy session. Blaise had just gone and Ron knew there was something wrong.   
Draco’s eyes widened and he went pale as if he had just witnessed something terrible, “I can’t answer that question right now, he could hear me.”  
“What? Who would hear you,” Hermione tilted her head, “Did something happen?”  
Pansy looked at Draco, “I’m going to tell her.”  
“Here? Are you crazy,” Draco hissed, “If we’re going to tell them we’re going to do it outside or somewhere that’s not in the castle.”   
“He’s not going to hear us in the common room!”   
“Yes, he will! ”  
“Even if he does what will he do to us?”   
“I’m a Death-Eater Pansy! Would do you think he will do to us? Crucio probably? Maybe frame me for murder? It’s not hard to get me in Azkaban for something I didn’t do!”  
“Merlin’s pants, will you two just say what it is already,” Ron interrupted, “If you’re so worried about someone hearing you in the castle lets just go to The Three Broomsticks and you can tell us there.”   
Pansy looked at Ron and then back at Draco. They looked at each other, speaking with their eyes, and then Draco turned towards Ron, “Fine. The Three Broomsticks after Blaise gets back. I need to speak to him.”   
Sixty long minutes passed until Blaise returned looking shaken and terrified. Almost instantly Ron had gotten to his feet and walked towards Blaise.   
“Blaise? Is everything alright?” Ron said, itching to hug the boy before him. Out of the corner of his eye, Ron saw Harry and Hermione smirk and make eye-contact. Feeling self-conscious, he tried to tone the worry in his voice down. Unfortunately, he failed miserably.   
“Yeah, uhm,” Blaise cleared his throat and blushed, “Actually, no, nothing’s alright.”   
“Great. Now we know it’s targeted towards some people. Let’s go to Hogsmeade now,” Hermione said, “Meet us at the gates at twelve? I have to get dressed.”   
“Fine with me. You guys up for it?” Pansy directed her questions towards Draco and Blaise.  
“Yeah,” Blaise said, still uneasy.   
Harry shrugged and faced Ron, “C’ mon let’s go, she’ll leave us here if we don’t get there in time,” Then he faced at Draco, but said nothing. Draco smirked like he knew that the pair of them knew something that the rest of the group didn’t.   
Thirty minutes later, the six of them met up at the gates. Each gripping their wands tightly while looking around at their surroundings.   
“I think we have everything,” Hermione said as she rifled through her bag, “Because we need to be prepared just in case something happens. Also, being in public with Harry is the most annoying thing ever.”   
Harry just rolled his eyes.   
“We should get going. If we make it to Hogsmeade early enough we might beat the crowd,” Ron said.   
The walk to the Three Broomsticks was slow, but not lacking any conversation. Pansy had seemed to warm up to Hermione and was enthusiastically asking her questions about magic and what Hermione was planning to do in the future. You didn’t need eyes to sense that Hermione was quite pleased as she answered her questions.   
Draco and Harry were walking side-by-side with each other, sometimes muttering words and sentences quietly so no one could hear what they were saying.   
Ron inched closer to Blaise, “Do you want to talk about whatever happened to you three after your sessions?”   
Blaise’s eyes seemed to be somewhere else, “Well, Professor Graytwig delivered some shocking news and I don’t know what to do about it. I might even have to leave school if it comes to it.”   
“Leave Hogwarts?”   
“Mhmm. I just, I wanted to have one normal year where I wasn’t stressing over someone or something. I guess it just isn’t meant to be.”   
“Tell me about it. Every single year here has never been easy going. Something’s always wrong or someone needs to be saved.”  
“Right? At this point, my mental health is deteriorating. I don’t even know how I’m surviving with my depression.”   
“I haven’t heard truer words,” Ron said, “I’ve been searching and searching for peace and happiness and the feeling that I did something right for once but I just keep stumbling into the past and find myself stuck.”   
“I’ve never met someone with the same problem as me,” Blaise’s golden eyes looked like they were staring into his soul, “For more than three years I’ve been walking around with a ton of bricks on my shoulders wondering why this was happening to me.”   
Ron didn’t know what to say, “Really?”  
Blaise nodded, and looked forward, as they had reached the Three Broomsticks.   
“Find a booth in the back,” Harry said as he covered his eyes and tilted his head so he faced the ground, “I don’t want another hand cramp from signing autographs.”  
“Don’t you have that invisibility cloak with you?” Pansy asked.  
“I left it at Ron’s house when I was staying there for a few days.”   
Draco rolled his eyes, “Let’s get inside before he notices we’re gone.”  
Once they had ordered and sat down, Pansy clasped her hands and started to talk, “Okay, so the therapist is evil and tortured all three of us at our session.” 

*Blaise’s Pov*

“Let us start. Your mother never killed herself. I have her hostage.”   
“What? Are you sure that’s what he said,” Hermione’s eyes had widened, “How did he get to her?”   
“I- I don’t know! That’s all he said to me and then… and then he asked me for a- a… favor. If I didn’t agree he would murder her.”   
“A favor?” Hermione raised an eyebrow.   
Blaise debated that he tell them. Whatever happened in that room was too vile to even say out loud.   
“Well, he um,” he took a deep breath, “First he told me that if I didn’t do exactly what he asked he would kill her and then he put his filthy hands on me and then he-,” he couldn’t go on without crying.   
Pansy seemed to realize what happened and quickly intervened, “You don’t have to tell us right now,” she looked at him in the eyes, “Tell us when you’re ready.”  
Hermione nodded and looked at Draco, “What happened to you?”   
Draco sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, he crucioed me, and then proceeded to abuse me, and then raped me. Which was not fun since I’ve already been raped many times by the people my dad hired to punish me. But I guess I’ll just have to get used to it, yeah?”   
Everyone except Blaise and Pansy were shocked, “Draco, we’re gonna fix this,” Pansy said.   
Draco rested his cheek on his hands and toyed with his wand, “Hopefully.”  
“Anyway,” Draco said, his tone of voice low, “What happened to you, Pansy?”  
“The same as you. He even threatened to kill me if I told anyone but I don-”   
She was cut off by Draco, who looked murderous, “He threatened to kill you?”  
“Er, yeah, but I don’t think it’s that bad,” Pansy tried to calm him down, “Nothing’s going to happen.”   
Blaise got up, feeling equally as furious as Draco, “No, it is bad.”  
“Guys don’t worry about it!”  
“Don’t you remember what happened last time?”  
Pansy opened her mouth to reply but closed it.  
“When Blaise and I found you, for a split second we both thought that we would never see you alive. We both made a promise that we would protect you. He’s going to end up dead by the end of the year.”   
“Okay, how about we don’t resort to murder, and instead we try reporting this to McGonagall? It would save us a lot of energy,” Ron said, trying to reason with the two men.  
“Ron, you’re such an idiot! He’s probably threatened them with something beforehand to stop them from telling the headmistress,” Hermione chided, “Besides, what good is telling the headmistress going to do? The ministry put Professor Graytwig here. We would need concrete proof to get rid of him, which is the stupidest thing if you ask me.”  
“Okay, so reporting is out of the question. As usual. Where does this guy live,” Harry wondered out loud, “Blaise’s mum would likely not be at his house but we might find clues or some type of map.”   
“During the school year, teachers stay at Hogwarts. But Professor Graytwig doesn’t have a class so he might go home during the week,” Draco said, now sitting but still alert.   
“So if we follow where he goes we might be able to find out where his house is?” Ron asked.   
“Probably not. Wouldn’t he just apparate home once he gets out of school bounds,” Blaise said, “But doesn’t the headmistress keep a copy of where all the staff’s houses are? We might be able to get into her office and look at it.”  
“Yeah? And tell me genius, how will we get into her office,” Pansy mocked him.   
Blaise rolled his eyes, “Potter, do you still have that invisibility cloak?”   
“Um, yeah probably.”  
“Great, we can use that to get into her office.”  
“Are we sure there aren’t any spells guarding it though?” Draco and Hermione said together.   
“You’ll never know if you don’t try.” Harry and Pansy answered at the same time.   
“If trying means death, go ahead.” Blaise and Ron both said.   
“Wow, great job lightening the mood Ron and Blaise. I volunteer you guys to retrieve the paper from her office.” Harry said.   
“Bet, Ron and I will get the paper from her office.”  
“I never agreed!”  
Blaise scoffed, “It’d be a great bonding moment between us! C’mon Ronnie,” Blaise put his arm around him, “We’ll have so much fun risking our lives together!”   
“If you insist,” Ron grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! I'm so sorry that this took so long to write. My schedule has been so filled lately but now that school's out I'll be pumping out chapters faster. However, I'm going to stop having two PoVs in each chapter and instead dedicate a chapter to each PoV for the remainder of this story. Happy reading!


	6. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be blaise's pov

*Ron’s Pov*  
The six of them left the Three Broomsticks soon after their discussion. The common room was quiet, the only sound being the crackling of the log fire and the hums of the magic rebuilding itself. Ron glanced outside to see everyone enjoying the beautiful day outside. He felt like he was the only one who wasn’t able to find joy in anything. He knew that there were others like him, but something about his depression didn’t let him believe that.  
What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he help himself? Was he just not grateful? He was not worthy of happiness, or compassion, or love? His best friends loved him and trusted him to help them on their search for Horcruxes but what did he do? He left them alone and forced to fend for themselves. He didn’t deserve anyone. No one would ever love him. He didn’t deserve anything. If he died no one would miss him. He was always the youngest son, the burden, the brother no one asked for.  
Unknowingly, Ron collapsed onto his knees. His breathing grew fast and heavy and the corners of his eyes prickled with tears. He tried to get a grip on himself but his mind was racing. A million terrible thoughts were running around his head at top speed and he couldn’t stop them. He made a feeble attempt to say something but his words were stuck in his throat. He couldn’t even cry out. He vision was clouded with tears and his throat felt like it was closing up.  
Someone tried to put their arms around him like a hug but it only made things worse. The space around him lessened and it all it did was make it feel like he was suffocating faster. Finally, someone had gotten the arms off of him and gave him some more room.  
After what felt like hours, Ron calmed down and caught his breath. He was scared to look up. He looked forward and saw that he was grabbing on to one of the chairs to keep himself from falling.  
“Ron? Are you alright?” A voice called. He didn’t know who it was and he still felt like he was underwater.  
“No, I’m not. Um, and I’m sorry for… That. I guess I let myself over think again. ”  
“Why are you apologizing? Ron, that’s happened to all of us,” Blaise said.  
He turned around, still sitting on the floor and looked Blaise straight in the eye, he heard Hermione gasp and saw her put her hand to her mouth, “Ron! Your eyes, they’re so…”  
He looked at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were red around the edges from crying and his face was pale. He took another look at his eyes and saw how helpless they looked. They were so sad and miserable. They showed how broken he was on the inside and how much he hurt. The red-haired boy who looked back at Ron was so exhausted from all of the death and misery that was inside of him that it showed on the outside.  
“Huh, they’re red from crying,” He tried to focus the group’s attention off of him, “That’s no big deal. Anyway we have to work on something don’t we?” He tried to make his voice sound normal but it still sounded shaky.  
“We have all the time in the world to do whatever we need to do, Ron. But do you want to talk about what happened?” Harry looked concerned.  
He debated he tell them why it happened, but he realized that they at least deserved to know. The three Slytherins trusted him enough to tell them about Graytwig, and Hermione and Harry deserved to know by default. Right?  
He took a deep breath, “Well, it was what I said before, I let myself overthink and then it got out of control… That anxiety attack was one of the worst ones I’ve had though. Did- did someone try to hug me?”  
“Yeah, Corner came in claiming he knew how to help an attack. Tried hugging you and wouldn’t let go until we forced him off of you,” Blaise said. Was that envy in his voice?  
Ron furrowed his brow, “Ew, he touched me?”  
“I think he likes you, Ron,” Hermione said, smirking.  
“That is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.  
Everyone in the room chuckled, but it only lasted for a few minutes.  
“Anyway,” Ron started, “I don’t feel like talking. Let’s just do whatever we need to do?”  
“Er, yeah. Let’s go over the plan,” Harry said.

                                                                              **********************************  
The plan was supposed to be simple, Ron and Blaise would wait outside until McGonagall left her office under the invisibility cloak once Harry got it back from the Burrow via floo powder. Everything was going fine until Blaise and Ron were waiting outside her office.  
“It’s two o’clock! She can’t stay in her office forever,” Ron complained.  
“Maybe, she’s somewhere else. We should break in,” Blaise replied.  
“We can’t break into her office!”  
“If she doesn’t show we’re gonna have to do it,” Blaise hissed.  
“What if she’s still in there! What are we going to do then?”  
“Shut up, I hear someone!”  
Professor McGonagall was walking briskly towards the office with her books in hand.  
“Lemondrops,” She muttered to the door.  
Once she was gone Blaise turned towards Ron, “This is going to take too long.”  
“You literally just saw her enter the office.”  
“But I’m bored there’s nothing to do while we wait outside!”  
“Well deal with it then!”  
Blaise rolled his eyes, “So, do you like Corner?”  
“Of course not! I like someone else,” Ron sighed, “And why is everyone asking me this?”  
“Okay, then who do you like?”  
Ron blushed, what if Blaise knew he liked him? “I don’t think the person I’m in love with loves me back…”  
“Oh, so you love them?”  
“Maybe.”  
“But who is it?”  
“First tell me who you like.”  
“The person I like wouldn’t like it if I told you.”  
Ron looked Blaise in the eye, “They don’t need to know.”  
The two of them sitting were extremely close to each other since they were both tall and the invisibility cloak barely fit both of them.  
“How about this, we both say one thing we like about who we like.”  
“Fine, you go first,” Ron agreed.  
Blaise smirked, “I like how this person always puts others before himself. Oh, and their face, it’s a pretty cute face.”  
Ron nodded, “I like this person’s eyes. They’re beautiful and I always get lost in them. And their personality is amazing.”  
“They sound like a good person Ron.”  
“They’re the best. You know, I really want to tell them how much I love them. And I’ve come close to it y’ know. But every time I do it I get worried that they won’t like me back.”  
“Same here.”  
Ron looked down and saw how close him and Blaise were. There was a little bit of distance between his and Blaise’s lips. It would be so easy just to close the distance, eliminate the rest of the space between the two of them...  
“Okay, fine. How about this, we say who we like on the count of three,” Ron suggested. What was he doing? Had he lost his mind?  
Blaise's eyes looked thoughtful, finally, he agreed, “Okay, deal.”  
Ron nodded, “One… Two… Three.”  
It happened so quick. Blaise took a breath and started to say something, but before he could say it Ron leaned forward and closed the space between them. It was soft and gentle at first, he was careful not to overstep anything. However, just a few seconds later Blaise kissed back. Ron, for the first time that year, felt complete. The kiss went on for who knows how long, but to them, it wasn’t nearly as long enough. Ron wanted more. They both wanted more.  
Too soon when they pulled apart Ron looked at Blaise’s eyes, “I’ve loved you since first year Blaise Zabini. You… You don’t have to say it back.”  
Blaise’s eyes widened, “I’ve loved you since first year too!”  
Ron was about to reply when he heard the door to the office open. The two of them fell silent as the headmistress walked out and down the hall.  
“We can save our exclamations of love for later, we need to get into that office,” Blaise said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh cuutee


End file.
